Why I Make Music
5/09/2007
Music and sound experimentation have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. As far back as first grade, I was banging on drums in the garage. In High School I played Trumpet, electric guitar, learned how to read sheet music, studied a bit of music theory and spent many evenings constructing audio collage with my best friend in his bedroom. Beyond school I have been in several bands, but the most significant musical outlet for me has been Novachild, a solo project that goes wherever I go.
At times, music was the centerpiece of my life, and at other times it was simmering gently on a back burner, but it was always there, readily available to my need to create.
Right now, in this transitory stage of my life, music has remained my greatest passion, but at the same time has become one of the most difficult things to access. My spirit has been wounded and is recovering, and music has generally refused to come out. My personal struggle to regain ground has taken a toll on my creative output, but I am not too worried about it. It's just a matter of time before I am back to creating regularly again. Everybody needs time to heal, a break, a breather.
I make music because it's what I do. It has nothing to do with money and everything to do with self expression. There are things I simply cannot express any other way, and they must get out. It is an outlet I have nurtured over many years, and whether I 'make it big' or not isn't part of the equation and never has been. What matters is that music is made, and hopefully it is music I can share with others, and maybe sell a CD or two to offset the costs of the equipment I purchase to make the music, and maybe just a little more if I'm lucky. But at the end of it all, the only thing that will truly matter to me is "What did I create in this life, and was it beautiful, sincere? Did my expression provide a healthy outlet for me? Did it provide new experiences? Did it lend to anyone else a new perspective?"
I'm not a businessman, a handyman, a chef, a manly man. I am an artist and a geek, perhaps the lowest of the low in the 'spectrum of success' idealized by other 'intelligent' human beings. I have great passion for subtle things that I can hardly express in words or even poetry. I feel that life without music is meaningless, and that the need to create is my primary driving force to cohabitate this planet with all of you. I am not a genius, nor will I ever be a genius. I do have something to say, and I tend to say it best in music than in any other way. And that is that.
Love it or hate it, the burning desire to create music and meaningful art is my motivation to wake up. It is the reason I exist. It won't go away as long as I remain a citizen of the planet. Friends, lovers, enemies take note. It may seem irrational when I spend money on art supplies or music gear when I need healthcare or utility payments, but just understand that my expression is the answer to the living nature of my very soul. Without that outlet, nothing else really matters. I am not here to survive. I am here to live. My life is dedicated to creating music, poetry, and occasionally very good food. Perhaps this is not wise or logical, but it is my life. You can have your compartmentalized existence, your routines. They are healthy. But they are not for me.
The next time you see an artist painting their hearts out, or a photographer eating up the film, or a filmmaker drooling over a scene he is filming, or a musician pouring everything he has into his craft, if you find yourself wondering if they are ever going to 'make it,' then you are not appreciating the act of their creation, the meaning they make of their own lives. You are projecting ideals that aren't even your own, which is normal. But when you catch yourself doing this, just close your eyes, count to three, take a breath, then open them again and witness the act of creation from a less obstructed view. Clear the filters you have placed in front of your vision, the instant judgment, the expectancy of predictable outcomes, and just witness the 'happening' for a moment. That is where the communication happens between you and the thing happening, the art, the act of creation.
posted by novachild @ Wednesday, May 09, 2007,
