Madness And Frustration
2/18/2007
10:00 AM Sunday morning. I have been paralyzed by an unnerving premonition of knowing that something unfortunate will happen to a friend. The revelatory phone call at 7:05 this morning validated that it was not simple blind fear but an actual, unshakable intuitive process. The feeling that I could have done something to prevent it is nagging at my core, polluting my thoughts. "I should have been there" echoes in my sleepy chamber of thought. I am strung-out on stress and I cannot sleep.
Premonition is a curse. I have never experienced it to this degree of clarity and physical debilitation, though my empathic 'gift' has become much more pronounced in my daily affairs. It paralyzed me for days. I could not function normally. The dreaded premonition became a hard, swelling knot in my solar plexus that grew and pulsated with nauseating, raw heat and discomfort. My throat constricted and I smoked too many cigarettes. My hands shook and my emotional state was out of balance; I could not explain why or reason why I was feeling this way. I tried to convince myself that it was something other than a 'knowing,' perhaps a result of fear and insecurity rather than an actual moment of psychic revelation, but I didn't take any chances by holding back my feeling.
Now that I have been given the validation... Now that I know I am not simply crazy or acting on fear, I feel like Hiro, the time-traveling character on Heroes who discovered that - no matter what he could say or attempt to alter the course of history for the better - the fabric of the universe would always work around the interference to make certain that history plays itself out. Perceiving trouble around the corner - but being unable to prevent it - feels like the worst kind of foul play from the universal mind.
I have not slept, nor will I sleep until I know everything will be fine. I will hold fast and steady, be a good friend, and pray for justice, right action, and healing.
posted by novachild @ Sunday, February 18, 2007,
1 Comments:
-
At 2:23 PM,
~Jennifer~ said...
-
*sigh* You did everything that you could do with the info. that you knew. That's how it always goes. It may seem like a curse to be able to predict horrible future events and not be able to stop them, but you have the ability to try and sometimes you can make a better outcome then what wouldv'e happened, even if its still bad.
*hugs* :)
