The Story of my Summer Pt. 1
7/29/2005
The darkness of infinite space hovered above the city. A cloudless sky ushered in all its twinkling stars and distant planets all at once. Down below, in the center of an average town, three unlikely companions strolled through the park on a 3-mile journey.
It was a cool night in late July, a rare enough occurance to give the false impression that Summer may be losing its momentum. But in the few days before, the mighty sun tormented the hillbilly land with record-breaking heat, and the city's factories continued to churn out their poison, creating exotic gustatory textures to blend with the smells of steaming, well-kempt nature. It was quite a bizarre coctail for the sinuses of all who dared to brave the 'outdoors.'
The park pond carried its own fragrant perfume of anaerobic bacteria and duck shit. And in the moonlight, the surface of the pond crawled with life - insects, geese, ducks and frogs - all carrying on a late-night thankgsiving dance and scuttle. Humans weren't the only creatures suffering from the heat all week long, after all, though humans would hardly notice life suffering all around them if it came and bit off their lips and sewed them to their pimply ass cheeks.
Three unlikely companions, Edward, Bettie and Elise, walked past a fuzzy, brown water rat slinking along the edge of the path. Bettie , a slender, young creature with pale, milky skin, painted eyebrows and long, wavy blue-black hair, purred spritely at the little frightened creature. It scuttled away in the darkness, not really afraid. Merely unsure, and probably intoxicated from the algae in the water. Or perhaps suffocating from lack of oxygen. After all, city air is only suitable for humans.
"I love rats," exclaimed Edward, with a gleeful smile. "My favorite rodents.."
"Me, too," Bettie replied.
What makes this trio especially unlikely has nothing to do with their opinions, or their hair color (though only one of them sported a natural color - Edward - dark minx, and slowly turning grey). Or their age, though Bettie was the youngest (only 19) and poor old Edward was pushing past 30, softening a bit around the edges but still hanging onto his youthful nature (for dear life). Or their social status, though Elise perhaps held the highest esteem there, because she was the dearest wife and caretaker of a kindhearted parapalegic comedian named Marcus.
The unlikelihood lies in the fact that each of them have been walking, or crawling, or sprinting, sometimes tiptoeing - on three completely differentwalks of life. Until this night.
And there, in the last leg of their journey to superficial fitness, another body appeared walking the opposite direction. The Wolf Man himself, howling out a new tune and hopping up and down with the trembling joys of naked, abundant nature. And he shared his song with the three sweaty travelers. And they all kept walking along.
The significance of such subtle events of these can not always be immediately understood. Stories take time, and detail, and patience, and plenty of exposition, to play themselves out. Relationships create exotic tapestries in the fabric of the universe, and this is what human beings tend to live for - though they never quite realize it until after it's come and gone - which is why one must always write these things down lest they become lost in the swollen smokestacks of time.
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 29, 2005,
, links to this post
Busy Busy Busy!
7/28/2005
I hope the lack of posts this week haven't discouraged you, dear reader. I'm still eager to write in my journal, but I've been spending much of my time away from the house and the computer. And it feels wonderful!
To be quite honest, I've been terribly busy enjoying myself. I've spent so much time at home in the past few years - mainly composing music - that I've distanced myself from people. I've also become a news junky, but I'm working on that. This is all fairly routine, as my default setting seems to be 'isolation,' but that feeling can be quite overwhelming. What I need to do now is find a healthy balance between my obsession for creating music and my yearning for friendship and connections to other people. And one way of doing that, I think, is to learn how to share my thoughts with greater clarity and 'unguardedness'- without having to depend on a keyboard all the time.
I was never this guarded before. I was never this careful with words. I used to actually believe that I was a kind of zen-like 'roadside prophet,' a madman, a fool, but with some intrinsic quality that made me worth listening to without constraint. But really I'm fairly boring unless I go back and sprinkle some afterthoughts in. Nothing special, as the Buddhists would say. And I never quite resonate to my creations when I let my 'bloated nothing' stand in the way of me and the object of my musing.
And that's comfortable. Because as long as I am the observer - not getting in the way of my own observations - I feel more in tune with things. Sure, I have my drives, my passions. But the point, I think, is simply to notice the world around me, acknowledge it, and maintain a state of consciousness that isn't so kneejerk and hard-headed. Having no reservations. Living in the present, for a lack of better words. And if that implies any sort of divine perfection, then I wholeheartedly apologize. Because I still don't think any of us knows diddlysquat about what's really going on in the 'mind of God.'
I've had an awakening of sorts. Something that said "Oh, you think you know something about what's going on, do you?" And that's what the universe is all about. Keeping people from maintaining a comfortable shape. Because ignorant, stubborn complacency is a quick way to a slow death.
Speaking of death, I saw a fellow die about a month ago in a car accident. I think I wrote about it, but I can't be sure. My wife and I were driving home from Dean's house after enjoying the season finale of Doctor Who, when we stumbled upon a horrible accident that JUST happened. A few people were already at the scene, and one of the passengers was still alive, but barely.
My world changed in an instant. One minute I was bopping along, enjoying the buzz of Doctor Who fandom and cranking up the music. The next minute I was witness to the death of a man, blood dripping from his skull and gasping for a few final breaths. It shook me. Changed me. Affected me. Later on, I started feeling foolish for wasting so much of my life watching television, being disinterested in people, not sharing enough of myself to the world. And I couldn't be with people for a couple of weeks without the idea that anyone of us may drop dead in an instant. I'm sure everyone has felt this way.
I've seen death before. But watching old people fade away is not the same. Working at a nursing home/hospice ward is a humbling experience, but I had no real preparation with stumbling across the scene of a horrific accident. It was unsettling.
I'm sure the extreme shift in my world view will settle down after awhile. I'll go back into some of my comfortable isolation, if only to bring into it what I've learned and experienced 'on the outside.' But now when I'm around people, when I'm truly spending time with other beings, I notice a big change in me. Because suddenly I listen more. Probably not enough for my wife to notice, and I probably still don't listen enough, to be quite honest, but I know the difference. Because suddenly I'm seeing more and experiencing more levels of existence. And when was I ever this sappy before?
posted by Edward Svengali @ Thursday, July 28, 2005,
, links to this post
The Nerd I Was
7/22/2005
I never really looked like a nerd. In fact, I had a mullet when it was COOL to have a mullet. And I wore Izods - if only because my sister kept pestering me to dress 'cooler,' like a Preppie. But I was a nerd, nevertheless, until much later when I could afford a computer (and instantly developed an obsession for gaming, comics, anime, low-budget British television and really awful movies).
One vivid memory of my nerdliness was created on the evening of June 19, 1988. I had just turned 14 and was starting High School in the Fall, which loosely translates to: "I didn't have much to do with all the raging hormones coursing through my bloodstream, so I stayed inside and fiddled around in my bedroom."
And when I say 'fiddled,' I don't necessarily mean the obvious, though there was plenty of that going on in those days. I did have cable in my room, after all, and the mid-80's softcore boom was all a brat like me needed for some inspired, erotic 'eyelid movies.' No, what I discovered on that evening, sitting all alone in a strange new house in Columbus, Kansas with absolutely no friends at all, was simply magical. I picked up my radio, 'fiddled' with the dial, and an amazing new sound crawled out of my boom box speakers. The strange, smooth, reassuring alien voice of Doctor Demento.
And that was all a lonely, friendless nerd like myself needed to keep from brooding in loneliness. Dr. Demento saved me on at least one evening of poutiness. His set was something to laugh at, to enjoy, to record on crappy little cassette tapes and listen to over and over. To impress friends and gross out sisters.
In just one lonely evening at home, I discovered the joys of PDQ Bach, Pinkard & Bowden ("Doggie Doo! Doggie Doo!"), & the incomparable Dr. Dave ("Get me a ticket for an aero-plane. Got to get on the wheel of fortune game."). My life was changed forever. For the better? Who knows.
Perhaps in 30-40 years, and Dr. Demento Clone #3 is spinning up his memory crystals for the night, I will be able to say "heh heh. I was there. I was 10 years late, but at least I got to hear the ORIGINAL Doctor Demento show." And the nerds who care will look up at me with gleeful wonder. And for a moment, just before they realize that old people suck and are not to be trusted, a thread of common understanding will have been established. A twinkle in our eyes.
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 22, 2005,
, links to this post
Weekend Bliss
7/18/2005
This weekend was exciting and exhausting!
I also discovered that Harry Potter fans are really quite strange. The kids are understandable, but the adults... well, let's just say that some people shouldn't flaunt their inner child quite so much. While intrinsically it is a beautiful thing, in large crowds it can be rather surreal.
After the play, we ran out to DJ Badger's "Retro Without Shame" Bikini Dance Party. Being a male with a certain voyeuristic streak, I enjoyed it immensely and without shame. I will withhold many of my personal observations regarding the party, but let's just say it was the visual highlight of the Summer. It was also nice to catch up with lŭḱē (hey, at least we TRIED to dance!). Thanks Amalia for 'pressuring' me to get out there and boogie, and thanks to my lovely wife for not pummelling me into the dirt for all the uncontrollable gawking I surely did.
Sunday at the Con was rather uneventful for me. I was exhausted from lack of sleep and also from too much activity. So I worked my video room shift and went home. Zoe and her husband-to-be arrived at the last minute, blessing my wife and I with belated birthday gifts. Now I have two more Stephen Baxter novels to read, and she's got some hematite jewelry to wear.
Fun!
posted by Edward Svengali @ Monday, July 18, 2005,
, links to this post
Hillary Gore
7/15/2005
I remember when Tipper Gore pushed the Parental Advisory notice for music with adult content. I was a teenager then, and she became my worst enemy. Now in my early 30's, I still find this behavior in politicians unforgivable. Not because I don't agree with the sentiments (because in some cases I do), but because I disagree with government involvement that acts as a standardized replacement for parental responsibility.
Now we have the Grand Theft Auto case. Hillary Clinton is outraged by the fact that a video game sold on the US market could have simulated sex mini-games downloaded to it (woo hoo). First, we are talking about a game that glorifies violence. People die horribly. Cars are stolen. You name it. And it's the sex that gets her attention.Are you getting any, Hillary?
When did sex become a greater offense than runnning people over in the street? There's just something so wrong about that. And it bothers me to no end.
You see it on TV, too. People die horribly. They are disfigured, and their guts are spilled all over the place. Doctors cut up bodies on-screen to find the causes of death, and you get to see all the juicy bits leak out. Just 2 weeks ago I watched a show where a man stumbled upon the body of his dead wife, her legs spread and her chest cut open and heart removed.
But man you better cover up that nipple. And no simulated sex in MATURE rated games.
What a bunch of crap. All this does is give kids a backwards message. It's ok to show people dying horribly. It's not ok to have sex or simulate sex. What kind of sick fetish do we have in glorifying gristly death over natural, animalistic sex?
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 15, 2005,
, links to this post
Things that Make you Think
I have only one observation at the mo.
Tomorrow is the official release of the new Harry Potter book. This book has broken 1st printing records across the board, and fans are salivating all over the world to get their grubby little paws on the latest J.K. Rowling marketing masterpiece.
Tomorrow is also the 60th anniversary of the first Atomic Bomb test in Alamagordo, NM.
Is there a correlation?
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 15, 2005,
, links to this post
Live Performance Review
7/13/2005
Well, I played live in front of about 35 people last night at a coffeeshop. I had a booming PA, thanks to DJ Badger (who, incidentally, is putting on a Retro Without Shame bikini dance party this Saturday night - of course, I've already scheduled to be at a convention).
It was fantastic. I timed my set perfectly and there were only one or two glitches. Mainly cramped fingers from overworking the mouse hand, which is why I'll be buying an M-Audio uc-33e fairly soon.
Of course, it all started out as a nightmare. One of the PA amps (the one for the subwoofers) apparently died. So I was stuck with the standard mid/high speakers, but they were plenty loud enough. Just not 'bassy' enough. But it was fine for a small place like this.
My troubles started when I realized that the power cords I brought were not computer power cords. Frankly, I don't know where they came from, but they didn't pull enough juice to power up my gear. Fortunately, quite out of the blue, Pauly H mystically pulled two power cords out of a bag and I was set. My heart leaped for joy.
Then, my cmos battery was nearly dead so I had to reboot several times to get past post and load windows. It was a miracle that I managed to do it. Perhaps I recharged the battery with my mind?
And of course most of the people I invited didn't come. Which grated me a little. But it's times like this when you discover who your real friends are. All two of them, heh (Thanks you guys). Needless to say, I got the taste for it. And I'm placing my order for an M-Audio uc-33e this weekend, along with a keyboard controller. The live bug has bit.
Unfortunately, I didn't record the show. I have nothing to record it with, and I didn't have time to arrange anything. But I'll try to get the next one.
All in all, a satisfying experience. And I definitely want to do it again. And if anybody wants to donate a flatscreen monitor... maybe a PA...
posted by novachild @ Wednesday, July 13, 2005,
, links to this post
Busy Week
7/12/2005
Busy week all around, and not much creative output worth posting.
Novachild is playing live tonight at Gypsy Coffeehouse - 3rd and Cincinnatti, just behind Spaghetti Warehouse. It will be a mixture of live music and audio collage, with a booming sound system to get your nervous system into shape. The fun begins shortly after 9:00 (after open mic). It doesn't cost anything, but there is a $2 drink purchase requirement. CDs may be available, too.
I really want to see some people there. If you are reading this, chances are we want you to come. So what are you waiting for?
Between this and getting ready for Conestoga 9, which is this weekend, there probably won't be any more posting here. But feel free to comment away!
posted by Edward Svengali @ Tuesday, July 12, 2005,
, links to this post
Beer and Music
7/08/2005
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" George Bernard Shaw
I'm not a professed fan of Shaw, though I can't help but admire his approach to spirits. He was somewhat sympathetic to the Nazis, but at the same time he was a close friend of G.K Chesterton whom I also love, and without Pygmalion we'd never have seen the classic teamup of Rex Harrison and the beautiful Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. But, as a native Dubliner, I couldn't find a better beer quote in the five minutes I went searching.
It's also poignant that he is of Irish descent, because on the eve of this fine Friday I am planning to drive down to Arnie's Bar, partake of prodigious amounts of good, Catholic whiskey (followed by a round or two of Guinness, of course), and frolic among the crowd while the most excellent Irish 'Drinking Song' band Larkin plays til the wee hours.
Larkin is blessed/cursed with having my good old acquaintance Chad Malone as its vocal talent. I just wrote about bumping into him last week, and he gave me a Larkin CD and told me I should come to see them play. It's a polished, aggressive and touching piece of work, and I can tell that a lot of effort and love was put into each track. The cover art is also brilliant. And because I'm a huge fan of the Pogues, it's no surprise that I enjoyed this little turn in Chad's career immensely.
There seems to be an upsurge in "Irish" folk rock bands lately, but nothing I've heard sounds quite as good as these guys, except for the originals, of course. And apparently, The Pogues are getting ready to tour again. I can't miss that.
On other fronts...
I'm playing live on Tuesday for sure. DJ Badger is lending me the use of his little PA. It's not going to be a 'performance-oriented' performance. Mostly I'm going do be doing some sample stacking and mixing, all on my PC. But it will evolve. So be at Gypsy on Tuesday night (7/12) at around 9 if you want to see me. No poetry this time. All music.
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 08, 2005,
, links to this post
Negativland Interview
7/07/2005
If you haven't read it yet, The Onion has a quite good interview with Mark and Don of Negativland. Go check it out.
When Negativland came to Tulsa in 2000 for the True/False tour, I was astounded. I have been a fan of NL for years, but I was not prepared for the enormity of creativity and genius injected into that show. To this day I have not experienced anything artistically that can even compare to it, and I hope to capture that spirit in myself someday in my own work.
I'm sure a number of people out there will experience Negativland once, maybe twice, and scratch their heads in wonderment as to why I find them so terribly inventive and inspirational. Like a rare, fine liquor, they aren't to everyone's taste, but those who do enjoy them are rewarded with wonderful complexity and wholesome goodness. To the last drop.
"Freedom's Waiting!"
posted by Edward Svengali @ Thursday, July 07, 2005,
, links to this post
Familiar Faces
7/05/2005
Lost and dead
My heavy floating corpse takes aim
for home lead-footed, starving and weary
My wife and lover
paints faces and
sells pretty bright things
She stuffs the van
full of trinkets and gadgets
She arranges her paints
her brushes
her blinking lights
and shining things
She is on a
capitalist mission
to help put food
in my body
to help lift us
from the wicked world
into greater things
She teams with Martin
the vagabond
looks like charles bronson
with bleached hair
strange
and rough
and soft
with kind
sad angelic eyes
like a dying animal - like me
we share a kinship of
rough edges
He is a caricature
artist
with thin squared-off
moustache
smells faintly of not
bathing
He is one of
the roughs
lives by his art
alone
and nothing
more
This weekend of freedom
of loud explosions, wandering
lost animals, I bow out
a friend has materialized
from my clouded past, and more
come crawling like earthworms
to the surface
after a rain has come
But no one is home,
so I follow 3rd Street
to its dismal apex,
for a shot of whiskey.
Following the rusty signs
and the old dismal architecture
and the street people
to Arnie's where
Yet another
familiar face awaits
Old Chad Malone
from the Glory Days
His shimmering,
short-haired sweetheart
singing irish folk songs tonight
He is setting up speakers
and shaking my weary hand,
welcoming me to the weary world
of weary people
with dying embers
in our eyes
and streams of whisky
ending in our graves
eventually
posted by Edward Svengali @ Tuesday, July 05, 2005,
, links to this post
Patchen
I may have shared this before, but Kenneth Patchen is one of my absolute favorite all-time poets. I encourage readers of this journal to pursue him with gleeful curiosity.
His antiwar heart song simply blows the mind. And his painful observations remain poignant today (excerpt from "A LETTER TO GOD"):
Standing in their salt sweat . . . hairy mouths full of a speech no man anywhereMore here. Genius. Make this obscure voice of the past a part of your experience.
has belief in. Big plans gone west.
These do not want Thee. Except for fun.
To paint flags on Your belly.
To make war right.
All is a lie in their world.
posted by Edward Svengali @ Tuesday, July 05, 2005,
, links to this post
Spent Up
the flesh staggers
toward the belly
with every heartbeat,
the end
of a
romance
intercession
with the egg
they pull and pray
- a holy
mess
belly shot
across the bow
Eons of promise
curdles in space
Once the beast has
tasted blood
It doesn't go back
It can't go back
posted by Edward Svengali @ Tuesday, July 05, 2005,
, links to this post
Ode to a Prostitute
7/01/2005
Our stinking clothes
peeled slowly like grapeskins
Exposing warm, wet bodies
comfortless in summer heat
pitiful vagabond flesh
blood and broken souls
screaming to relent
a helpless,
weighted wandering
of shivering hands
across pale, polished skin
filthy, timid paws
and curled tongue
and aching, bloody feet
nailed to the pine
enslaved to compulsion
Driven to the drought
of a loveless ecstacy
we plunged into showers
of hot, steaming water
and plunged even deeper
until the apex forced
the bodies apart
I didn't know she was a whore.
She never worked for free before.
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
Burning Season
Crazed pulsation, the vague quick
surprise of sudden perfection
The dancers dance
the drummers drum
While souls from decades past
storm the doors, break the windows
to raise the house
from moony stalemate
to frenzied steaming
summer rite
with every jingle of a bell
with every bursting hard erection
with flash of pride and beating heart
with every muscle tensed and trembling
with mouth and lips shaking, moaning
with longing eyes caressing, needing
with knowing smiles and animal skins
with thirsty tongues and hungry hearts
We announce:
Summer is here,
summer is here!
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
Their Lives to Lose
the hourglass spills
bodies buried beneath time
hold it still now
don't turn it over
or the dead will get stuck
in that long narrow crevice
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
A model of freedom
100,000 people dead and
The kids are going to be late
for soccer practice
Another city up in flames
guts are spilled in
unpaved streets
far, far away
Doctor o Doctor
Should I consider infidelity?
She says, reaching for
her $5 latte
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
Panhandler Magic
panhandler magic
turns kansas dust into
bottles of cheap beer
fresh loaves of bread
cans of pork n beans
spinning like water
down the drain
filling me up
By torchlight the indian
was more dream than real
so long ago, looking for
myself on a kansas highway
where realizations
are ammunition
from the dirt
of a dead end street
Battle weary and war-torn
Not a tree in sight
for shade
I lifted me up
And went on home
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
Bellydancers
Today, rainy planet -
the bastards are taking over
but we coalesce under stormy clouds
with drums and shakers and
swaying hips -
how exquisite these midriffs
the centers of the universe
the navels of the radiant earth
Seducing and awakening
blending the schism
blurring the lines
between reluctant bodies
a single scar
From a rending
From a harvesting
can be sweet
nectar for the eyes
beyond words
or tapestries of curvy flesh
bending and twisting together
in joyous orgasm of mind
a pleasure to the eye
awakens serpents from their sleep
and topples gods from lofty places
The paragon of goddesses
The phoenix of the flesh
The womb is ripe past
folds of crowning touch
where the big bang and the
death of all things
meet face to face
for an endless embrace
posted by Edward Svengali @ Friday, July 01, 2005,
, links to this post
