What a fantastic memorial service. Everything was simply perfect. While I never really knew my wife's grandmother very well (she lost most of her abilities to communicate normally after a bad fall about 10 years ago), she was the anchor that pulled me feetfirst into this wonderful family. I was her daytime professional caregiver for sometime (inbetween jobs), and the experience changed my life in many ways. I will always be grateful for such loving, caring, and accomodating people.
That said, I really missed my own parents this Christmas holiday. My mother and I got in a little tiff during our vacation trip. It wasn't worth being an isolationist, though, so I hope everybody snaps out of their awkwardness and moves on to better things.
Back to work tomorrow, and I'm really not looking forward to it. I just don't feel like dealing with people after such a long, exhausting day. I've never been a pallbearer before, and it really felt good to be involved in that intimate way. I also spoke during the service a little; it was somewhat awkward, but I did ok. My wife opted to write her thoughts down instead, because she didn't want to cry so openly in front of so many people. That's fine, too.
The whole thing has really got me thinking about my own life, how I've affected people along the way, how ingrained my spiritual quest has become (to the point where I simply don't notice it as being something other than breathing and sleeping, really). I've also been focusing more energy into making softer music, taking it easy and walking a bit more to keep my body feeling good. I've been taking meal replacements twice a day, mainly to save money but ultimately the complete vitamins, protein and minerals have increased my sense of 'living,' as opposed to just getting by on what little energy reserves fast food and peanuts will provide.
Alas, I still have no working DVD burner, and I'm already feeling the withdrawals. I have so much data to archive it isn't funny. And video to transfer. Heck, I might as well just take a break from heavy computing for a few weeks, try to get back into reading (I've got lots more Patchen to cover before I'm through), writing poetry again, that sort of thing. If I've only got a finite time to catch these thoughts on paper and in my journal, I'd better get to it, eh? Think I'll try to post less political soap-box bullshit and focus more on my real life. That's always infinitely more interesting, though our current batch of world leaders is more than enough to growl about.
yadda yadda yadda. I think it's about time for bed. No need to pad this out any further today.
posted by novachild @ Wednesday, December 29, 2004,
