Things and More Things: Movies that Don't Matter
Last night, my wife and I went to the drive-in to see the Exorcist/AVP double-feature. My not-so-brief reviews follow:
The Exorcist: The Beginning:
I'm a huge fan of the first movie. Heck, I can appreciate the follow-up sequels, especially the one with George C. Scott and the granny that crawls on ceilings. But this new prequel lacks something - the sheer creepy hopelessness of the other films, but this can be easily explained away by the trend of religious (read: Christian) pandering that has become more or less the standard in everything "United-States" these days.
Heck, God runs our country, our leaders, our minds, so why not Hollywood? Except that the God of the US is not the God of the New Testament. This is a different entity altogether. The God that runs the US is on our side in the war. The God that runs the US says it's ok to exclude people because of their sexual orientation, their color, their sex. The God that runs the US makes sure that all the movies have a religious overtone, so that the Christians can be constantly frightened into strengthening their faith, so that they will feel more justified in pushing their product to others and bringing about the end times.
Damn, christians find the most mundane things terribly frightening. There is one scene, for instance (and I promise I will get back to the movie now), where a priest is 'worshipping' a small cross on the wall. He gets distracted and turns away, but when he looks at the cross again, avast! It's upside down! Forget for a moment that when St. Peter (one of the 12 desciples) was crucified, he asked to be UPSIDE-DOWN so as to not be crucified in the same way as Jesus. This was supposed to be a nod to the majesty and importance of the Christ (we're not worthy!), but NO, thanks to teeny-bopper and hollywood-esque devil worshippers, the inverted cross is now the most profane symbol - even worse than Barney, The Last Temptation of Christ, and playing Lynn Anderson records backwards. It's called exploitation - which in and of itself is not BAD, but in this case it gives me existential heeby-jeebies because there is something so frighteningly sad about religious fanaticism running so rampant in society.
Really, that's about as rediculous as you can get. Two bloody sticks intersecting each other. One happens to be longer than the other and the shorter one is connected closer to the top. Turn this symbol 180 degrees, and half of the US population is in widespread panic because you just violated everything that they hold sacred. Now they want to preach, to get on a platform, bomb somebody to smithereens and bring about armageddon just to tittilate their fear-soaked brains. Reminds me of the panic of adults when they see a kid flipping off another kid. Or when kids first learn 'cuss words' and everytime one gets used, the little holier-than-though blonde girl says "UMMMMM! I'M TELLING!" This sounds about as nuts as the many ideas people have come up with to 'prevent' arab soldiers from entering heaven (shooting them with bullets soaked in pig's blood, for instance). It's the same fucking thing, and it makes us as bad, or worse than, those the Christians persecute for the exact same reasons.
The 'tension' of this film (if there is any) plays more on these sad religious fears than anything else. Yes, the first one did this as well, but much more effectively because the point was to SCARE people - not shove religion down their throats and portray Christianity as the last, best chance for humanity. Occasionally, it showed signs of strength and artistry, but I suspect that the good scenes were yanked from the original Paul Schraeder cut and the 'gore-fest' was created later to appease the higher-ups. Why do Hollywood Studios fear real drama, real plot, anything that doesn't require gallons of goo and headless corpses to achieve? Greedy bastards.
I really wish Frankenheimer would have lived long enough to finish his version. However, I really want to see the original Paul Schraeder cut, the version of the film without the added 'gorefest' that makes it so sappy and pointless. And while I can laugh at the christian paranoia (ooh! They turned a cross upside down! I'm soooo scared!), and even relate to it to some extent (I was raised Christian), the whole thing just reeks of 'Propaganda Machine.' As the closing credits rolled, I felt I had been completely duped.
My final theory is thus: religious fanatics all across this great Country are really coming out, peddling their opiate in small doses at a time. They know the 'END IS NEAR,' and they want control over the hearts and minds of the people. They want to make sure their little wanking prophecy comes true, so they inject everything with a small dose of preaching and turn their ideology (which is supposed to be one of peace and being nice to people) into an excuse to be brutally violent towards one another. This is nothing new; it is the nature of people in generaly, and Christianity allows people to do this AND feel quite all right about it. Makes me angry.
In the end, it's just another crappy summer movie. If you want character development and real drama, look elsewhere. If you want cheap thrills to tittilate your religious fears, you'll find some of that here, but ultimately it will be a forgettable experience.
Aliens Vs. Predator
I will be brief this time. First, there is absolutely NO character development. Second, there is absolutely no story. Third, there is absolutely no point to this movie except the special effects and seeing two bad-ass action/horror monsters going at it. What more do you need, you ask? Well, it's boring. And we've seen it all before. Everything here is utter stinking garbage, and it is definitely MST-able. The Aliens were terribly weak, and the Predators were not convincing enough as 'ancient gods' that taught humans how to build pyramids. Stargate does the whole myth-meets-scifi thing much more effectively, and they actually have a story to go along with it. AVP is just so much recycled comic book garbage, and it likely has decimated the Alien franchise. Or at least one hopes it doesn't get any worse than this
Of course, stinking movies are the reason one goes to the drive-in instead of the indoor theater. Who wants to miss all that THX or Dolby sound on a good movie? Plus, I love the open-air movie experience, no matter how horrible the film is. I've seen Manos: Hands of Fate TWO TIMES and survived, for crying out loud, so these dullard hollywood movies are no big challenge for me. Yes, I take genre films a little more critically than others. But I'm a fan. I LOVE The Exorcist, and comic books, and Alien movies. I hate to see things I like used to no effect, or used to promote a religion that is so sad, so hypocritical, and so destructive to people's hearts and minds.
So do I get the longest journal enry award or WHAT?
posted by novachild @ Saturday, September 04, 2004,
